I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
