can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
North Korea, Best Korea!
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
