Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
