Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
