we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just want nice things and good sex
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
