Michael Bay diarrhea
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
