So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
