just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
