Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
