yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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