I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
