Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize
