I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize