I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
