Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I lost the right to judge tonight
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
