That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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