Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
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