another moral hangover. fuck.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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