It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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