You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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