Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
