I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize
