Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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