You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
