I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
