mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
