you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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