brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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