she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
