You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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