Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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