OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
