well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
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