Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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