so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
