let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
