he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize