These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
