Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
