My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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