Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
