Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
