I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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