I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
