It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
