Are we in a gay sports bar?
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
how do flat chested girls get laid?
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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