just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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