Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
