No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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