Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
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