Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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