A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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