every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
