Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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