Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
