I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
