i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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