I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
