my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
