Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
