OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
