I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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