Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize