I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
