no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
