I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
