At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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