i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
