i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
