Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
