Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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