Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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