Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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