About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
