You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I just forgot I was standing up.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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