Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I want her autograph on my taint
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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