just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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