P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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