Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I think a kid would responsible me up
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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