end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
