Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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