its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
