Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
The adults are the big ones right?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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