So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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