i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Sorry about my life...
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
