He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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