After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
