I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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