I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
