your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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