This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize