Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
