i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
