Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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