Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
