he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
