I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
