i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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