I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
