youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
